When Unmasking Becomes Another Kind of Mask

- Late Diagnosis and Neurodivergent Identity -

It often begins with a small moment of recognition. Something in a video online, or an interaction with someone whose experience feels strangely familiar. There's a moment where people pause and think:

"Hey… that sounds a bit like me."

And so the seed is sown.

There's something I've noticed - a pattern that late-diagnosed neurodivergence sometimes follows.

The seed begins to grow and take root... More videos. More research. More conversations with people who share similar experiences. With each moment of recognition and validation, a new leaf appears.

It’s at this point that the idea of someone’s own neurodivergence can really begin to grow. This stage can be both exciting and destabilising. People begin to look back across their lives through an entirely new lens, making sense of patterns they may previously have judged themselves harshly for.

For many, it can feel liberating to step into an identity that finally feels closer to the truth of who they are.

But the path towards self-awareness and acceptance is rarely a straight one.

Along the way, people might encounter doubt from those around them. They might feel pressure to explain themselves, to justify what they’re discovering, or to have everything neatly figured out. Some people even notice themselves beginning to over-identify with the diagnosis.

For some - often those who feel more secure in their sense of self - this exploration is simply part of the process. They enter the shop of neurodivergence and try on the hats that seem to fit. When they leave the shop, they might carry a few new hats with them. Wonderful.

But for others, the process can feel far more uncertain.

How can they know which hat fits best? After all, they're all hats. They're all meant to go on heads. They find themselves picking up every hat in the shop and trying it on:

"Could this be me?"

This is often part of the process of learning to unmask. People begin to want to understand and honour all aspects of their neurodivergent identity.

But in the process of trying on all of these hats, alongside managing the doubts or scrutiny of others, there can sometimes be a period of over-identification.

They find themselves taking all the hats home - just in case.

In many ways this is a thorough and thoughtful approach. No stone is left unturned.

But often, the seed that was once planted now begins to outgrow its pot.

In the process of learning to unmask from neurotypical expectations, a new kind of mask can sometimes form - a neurodivergent one.

Without meaning to, people can move from one form of inauthenticity into another.

The real unmasking begins when we step away from questions of optics - how our neurodivergence should or shouldn’t look - and turn our attention back to the person underneath it all.

Our own unique, nuanced, complicated individuality.